A picture of a grumpy man partially faded away. Image by Olya Lolé from Pixabay. 
Image by Olya Lolé.

In This Article:

  • How to identify your immediate needs with the HALTT-G test
  • A creative way to rate and understand your emotional state
  • How to use your grumpiness to discover what you really want
  • Visualizing what you already have to unlock creative insights
  • A fun 15-minute activity to reset your mood and mindset

"Grumpy Magic" Can Change Your World for the Better

by Sam Bennett, author of the book: The 15-Minute Method

photo of Sam BennettHow can you create magical results when you feel utterly demoralized?

Can you be in a place to receive a miracle when you are feeling burnt-out and put-upon?

Does hopelessness contain the key to joy?

As much as I am a fan of positive thinking and positive mental attitudes and being positively positive about all the positives, I notice that pessimists still manage to get rich and fall in love, and mean-spirited people can achieve great things.

So, let’s talk about counterintuitive ways to create a magical life when you’re feeling grumpy, grody, and mad, shall we?

innerself subscribe graphic

Three Steps to Grumpy Magic

When you feel exhausted, disconnected, unwell, and like you’ve lost your mojo, it’s easy to slip into feeling powerless.

Follow along on this self-evaluation with me, and let’s see if you can remember your power and make a bit of a shift.

Step 1: Handle Your Immediate Needs

Anytime things feel off, it’s worth doing the HALTT-G test. This is a slightly expanded version of the self-care practice known by the common acronym HALT. It stands for “hungry, angry, lonely, tired,” and the idea is that when you are feel­ing low, you stop and ask yourself if the cause might be one of these states, which you can then take steps to remedy. I’ve added in a T for thirsty and a G for grieving.

So if you are feeling crappy in mood or in body, first check to see if you are in need of some physical or emotional sustenance.

HUNGRY: When I get upset, the last thing I want to do is eat. And then, of course, my blood sugar tanks and I feel worse. So please eat at least a little bit of something. Bonus points if you can actually taste it and enjoy it.

ANGRY: You may have dissociated yourself from the word angry. Many women and Midwesterners refuse to ever con­sider themselves as angry. (I’m kidding — this problem knows no gender or geography.)

So you may find yourself using words like frustrated, annoyed, in a bad mood, irritated, or dis­appointed instead. Let me invite you to own your anger. Try saying it out loud to yourself: “I am absolutely furious.” Feels kinda good, huh?

Anger is a sign that your values are being stomped on, your vision is being ignored, or you are feeling disregarded, disre­spected, physically or emotionally hurt, or not in control. These are important signals for you to recognize, and while I know you can internalize it all, or redirect it (yelling in traffic, for example, instead of yelling at your bone-headed boss), I might suggest you experiment with more productive ways to express the full force of your feelings without being disrespectful or cruel.

When I need to express anger, I like to call it “bringing the hammer of sunshine down upon them.” I suggest reading up on “nonviolent communication” as pioneered by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD, to find out how to express strong feelings without violence. It’s life-changing stuff.

There is also such a thing as “agitated depression,” in which crankiness and anxiety are symptoms of a depressive disorder. You may want to look into that one, too.

LONELY: You may have heard about the epidemic of loneliness in the world, and the devastating health consequences thereof. Everyone needs to feel seen and heard. Everyone needs to feel that they belong.

We are tribal animals — meant to live in a group — and aban­donment is one of our worst fears. And while of course I want you to be surrounded by people who love and respect you and laugh at all your jokes all the time, I realize that’s not always possible, so I’m going to suggest something a little unusual: find yourself an imaginary friend.

I once conquered my lone­liness and anxiety about driving across a very scary, tall sus­pension bridge by imagining that Lyle Lovett was in the back seat, talking me through it. (Pick your own comforting imaginary friend, of course. I wouldn’t expect everyone to find the mythical presence of Mr. Lovett as calming as I do.)

I’ve confided terrible fears to my cats. I’ve confessed to a hotel room pillow, and I’ve prayed to a full moon.

The answer to loneliness is communion, and luckily, you can do that by yourself if necessary.

TIRED: Sleep deprivation has been known as an effective form of torture for centuries, because it has the power to ruin you. Fatigue is more than a minor complaint — it will throw off your entire system.

According to the CDC, one in three adults report not getting enough sleep, and that leads to impaired judgment, poor mood, and all manner of negative health consequences. Pay attention to your sleep hygiene, and if you have chronic sleep difficulties, please see a medical professional.

THIRSTY: My mother always said that by the time you feel thirsty you are already dehydrated, so you should drink be­fore you think you need it. Wise woman, my mom.

It’s been reported that 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehy­drated, either because they don’t drink enough fluids to begin with or they mitigate the positive effects with too much caf­feine and salt. You can improve your mental processing by in­creasing your intake of water, and I can’t think of a much easier way to make your life better.

GRIEVING: I don’t know if science has noticed this, but I’m pretty sure that grieving makes you clumsy. It can also make you ab­sent-minded, short-tempered, sleepy, dopey, bashful, possibly sneezy, and definitely grumpy. There is no appropriate advice for grieving because there is no appropriate way to do it. You cannot grieve correctly, nor incorrectly. There is no set duration.

Grief comes in waves — sometimes the small, lapping waves of a duck pond at sunset, and sometimes a ferocious tsunami. Experience your grief however it comes, and remember to grant yourself extra grace during the more intense moments, OK?

Step 2: Figure Out Where You Are on the Continuum

Let’s forget about what you want for a sec. Let’s deal with where you are. Let’s be specific.

First, write out or say a statement about how you are feeling right now. Now, please score that statement on an intensity scale of 1 to 5 (1 being mildly irritated, 5 being the extreme).

Next, please name and fill in the phrases that — for you — make up the surrounding numbers. This is an entirely sub­jective exercise designed to give you a sense of where you are emotionally and where you might go. So if I write, “I’m pissed off at my partner” and give that a 3, then I might fill in 1 through 5 like this:

1 = It’s cute when my partner is such a brat.
2 = I’m going to have to ask them to knock that shit off again.
3 = I’m pissed off at my partner.
4 = I’m starting to tally up my list of grievances, and I’m working up a big head of steam.
5 = Prepare for the Wrath of Kali.

Here’s another example: let’s say I want to take today off work because I’m not feeling strong or healthy in my body, and I’m at a 3 because it’s been going on for a while, I might fill in the spectrum like this:

1 = Meh. I’m OK.
2 = I need to get some more rest.
3 = I need to take today off work.
4 = I’ve been resting and taking time off, and I still feel like total crapola.
5 = Time to call in the medical professionals.

Filling in the rest of the spectrum is important, because some­times you are not very precise in your language, as in:

1 = I’m fine.
2 = Oh, I’m fine.
3 = Fine. Everything’s fine.
4 = I’M FINE.
5 = Total hysterical breakdown.

And some of you have a really high tolerance for pain, so your version of “ow” is someone else’s version of “call an ambulance.”

Take a moment right now to get clear about what your current feeling continuum is.

At what point do you want to take action? How about now? What action might at least move you down a notch? Try to figure out what that is, and then do it.

Step 3: Mine Your Grumpiness for Clues

Here’s how to transform your grumpiness into a unique plan for success. This step requires some brief visualization/ imagination work, which I know some people find annoying, but trust me — it’s only for a moment.

  1. Think about the thing you want. The thing you wish would magically appear. The thing whose absence is making you grumpy.

  2. Now think about the benefit you seek — what would having that thing give you?

  3. Consider where or when in your life you already have that benefit.

  4. Picture yourself in that setting, and let yourself enjoy the feeling of it. Flood your mind with gratitude for the benefit.

  5. Now see what your clever self comes up with when you consider the situation from a place of “already having” instead of “needing.”

Let’s try an example:

  1. I’m thinking, “I want more money.” I wish money would magically appear. The absence of money is making me grumpy.

  2. The benefit of having more money would be feeling relaxed and expansive.

  3. Where in my life do I already feel relaxed and expan­sive? Answer: under my fluffy down comforter!

  1. I flood my mind with gratitude for my comforter. I imagine myself under my comforter feeling relaxed and expansive. I realize I don’t need money to have the feeling I crave. That’s relaxing to know. (But I still want more money.)

  2. Now I ask my clever self: What happens when I con­sider the situation of “wanting to have more money” from the perspective of already feeling relaxed and expansive? Where can my fluffy comforter guide me?

Maybe I could write a new business plan in bed.

Or I could consider ways to make money while I sleep. Passive income, anyone?

I could look for new clients who share a relaxed and expansive worldview.

I could start a blog, podcast, or video series called “Pillow Talk” and interview other people (who are also in bed) about their financial philosophy and how it relates to their bedding, and become a massive viral sensation. (Hey, weirder things have happened.)

15-Minute Experiment

Use your imagination and your ability to make unusual con­nections to both calm yourself down and think of some fun, or grumpy, 15-minute activities to do.

What If...

What if you loosened up a bit and allowed some mystery, some magic, and even some silliness to guide you?

©2024 by Sam Bennett. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission of New World Library.

Article Source:

BOOK: The 15-Minute Method

The 15-Minute Method: The Surprisingly Simple Art of Getting It Done
by Sam Bennett.

Feeling overwhelmed? Procrastinating, then frantically pushing to get everything done? The good news is that healthy productivity is not about doing more. It’s about doing more of what matters. Modern life has us feeling swamped, unsure how to move forward on goals and dreams while still managing the day-to-day. And then there are all those other things still on the list: the garage needs cleaning, those photos need organizing, and the emails, the emails, the emails . . .

Sam Bennett presents a radically simple idea: small actions, the kind you can do in 15 minutes, are enough to move the needle on your levels of joy and satisfaction — and ultimately change your life. Sam guides you from overwhelm to accomplishment.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book. Also available as an Audiobook and a Kindle edition.

About the Author

photo of Sam BennettSam Bennett is the author of Get It Done, Start Right Where You Are, and most recently, The 15-Minute Method: The Surprisingly Simple Art of Getting It Done. A writer, speaker, actor, and creativity/productivity specialist, she is a popular course instructor on LinkedIn Learning with over a million class participants worldwide.

Visit her online at http://www.TheRealSamBennett.com.

Article Recap:

Sam Bennett’s “Grumpy Magic” offers a compassionate and humorous guide to navigating emotional lows and burnout. Through a simple 3-step process—meeting your immediate needs, gauging your emotional intensity, and transforming your grumpiness into clarity—readers are shown how to turn even their crankiest moods into powerful moments of insight, connection, and action.

#GrumpyMagic #SamBennett #EmotionalSelfCare #BurnoutRecovery #CreativeHealing #15MinuteMethod